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Showing posts from January, 2016

On Muslims, Relationships and Abstinence

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"Well, how do you know if you and your future spouse are sexually compatible if you don't have sex before marriage? What if he's a dud in bed?"

I did a double take at the text message, let out a sigh of exasperation, and tucked my phone away.

Abstinence. Islam, and many other faith traditions, preach "no-sex-before-marriage" as the ideal. Yet the reality is that the majority of non-married individuals will engage in pre-marital sex. The statistics related to Muslim communities are no different: research by Sobia Ali-Faisal indicated that of over 400 17-35 year old Muslims surveyed, 2/3 had engaged in pre-marital sex. And of the 1/3 who didn't, 50% had seriously considered it.

At this point, I'd like to clarify that this post is not about the fiqh (i.e. religious law) related to pre-marital sex. I'm sure at one point or another as Muslims that we have either received the "sex is haraam" line during our 5-minute pre-puberty sex talk, an…