The Annoying Auntie Abomination

Last night, I had the pleasure of attending a certain school's staff appreciation dinner...more like, targeted contract staff Q and A dinner. At least my decision to keep details about my upcoming Nikah private were reinforced when I was barraged with questions from an Auntie who not ONCE used the word "Alhamdulillah" (All praises due to Allah) or "InshaAllah" (Allah willing). It was freaky, since the moment she saw my ring, her face dropped and she angrily plunged into the following dialogue with me:

Muslim Auntie 1 (MA-1): Sam-eeeeeeeee-raaaaaaaaa!! WHY didn't you tell me you were getting married, huh? WHY?

Me: To be honest, a lot of people don't know, I prefer to keep it that way.

MA-1: But I would have been happy for you, I am not like those other people

Me: Well I'm sorry, but I prefer to keep things quiet. (At this point, I walk away and back to my table and sit quietly, burning a hole into my pecan pie and pineapple slices. I knew the barrage wasn't over, and how lucky that I had 7 other women around the table as well)

MA-1: So when did you get engaged?

Me: Just a few months ago.

MA-1: Oh my God, a few MONTHS ago and you didn't tell me? So when are you getting married? What day?

Me: Umm, at the end of June.

MA-1: Where?!

Me: Planet Earth (kidding, I WISHED I had come up with this!) Either a hotel or community centre, we're not sure yet (muah ha ha!!)

MA-1: So you are going to live in Calgary after? He is going to move here?" (I'm not sure what the heck was in her head to assume that it was long distance, maybe she thought I was following in her daughter's footsteps?!)

Me: Umm, he's already here, his whole family is here, so yes we are staying here

MA-1: What does he do?"

Me: He's back in school getting his Geosciences degree.

Enter in non-Muslim teacher:

Non-Muslim-1 (NM-1. No disrespect is intended with this title, there's a reason why I chose to distinguish and you'll find out why below!): Why didn't he get his Masters? All that work for a Bachelors? What is he going to do with his degree?

(La di da, I'm trying to keep calm and not head butt her with my hijab!)

Me: It's a geosciences degree (enter Sheldon's haughty look of derision)...he'll be a geo-scientist.

NM-1: when did you meet him?

Me: Last September.

NM-1: Oh my gosh, and your parents are alright with you marrying so soon? You've barely spent time with him! If I were you, I'd make sure.

Me: (My ears are letting out steam) I am sure. I thankfully knew pretty much right when we met and we had signs (Alhamdulillah!). And yes, my parents are fine with it, our families are quite close and they were involved in the whole process.

(She looked surprised that I had burst her stereotype and ignorance of the way Muslim parents marry off their kids. This is a teacher who has worked with Muslim kids for quite a few years AND we had spoken in the past about a spectrum of Muslim families and the marriage process)

Back to the Muslim teacher now.

MA-1: Do you have his picture on your phone? With you now? Do you?

Me: (I'll smack you with my phone) Yes (I pass the phone and show the engagement picture on my screen)

MA-1: Oh, you are going to have nice babies!

(Oh dear God, that's all you can say after seeing that?! What am I, a breeding machine?!)

Step in my friend Shelina:

Shelina: So Mrs Blank (another Muslim teacher sitting at our table), how old were you when you got married?

Muslim Auntie 2: Twenty, and that was too late" (shaking her head at the same time)

(OMG! What planet do I reside on?! I am so frustrated by Muslim women from older generations thinking that marriage needs to happen at the youngest possible age!! Are you therefore questioning Allah's destiny for others?)

Back to Muslim teacher #1

MA-1: So Sam-eeeeee-raaaaa what are you going to wear? White? Red? Huh?

Me: (Yes, I'm going to drape myself with the Canadian flag) White on the first day, a different colour on the second

MA-1: Like a one piece? Two piece?

Me: (Sigh, are we talking about swimsuits or wedding outfits?) Kind of a lengha

I then turned to Shelina and tried to avoid pretending to squish her head with my fingers from across the table. I am annoyed and I desiccated my crappy tasting fake chocolate cake. The teacher looks angry and I gladly think to myself Thank God you ain't on the guest list.

So what lesson can we learn from this? I have a few suggestions:

1. Girlfriiiiiends! Don't feel the need to share details of your wedding with people you don't want to. I'm sure I freaked her out when I said the wedding is 3 months away and we're still not sure where we're doing it ;-)

2. Aunties and Wanna-know-it-alls: A wedding is one day, and marriage is for a lifetime (InshaAllah). Stop asking ignorant and superficial questions.

3. Aunties: Stop telling girls that they're getting older and need to get married asap. How do you know they haven't tried and it just isn't their time yet?

4. Aunties: Stop telling girls that they will make nice babies. Really?! Really?!

5. Non-Muslims: If you have a stereotype about how Muslims get married, please clarify before assuming that it applies to ALL Muslim families.

6. EVERYONE: When someone tells you they're getting married, DON'T ASK WHAT THEY'RE WEARING!!!!! Allah Almighty!

And just to clarify a point, the reason why I am so strict on keeping details private, praying a lot, and saying "InshaAllah" and "MashaAllah" is because of the "evil eye" concept within Islam. It's whereby someone may be jealous or have other non-pure intentions for their questioning and comments, and Muslims are therefore taught to keep details to themselves and to not brag about oneself. Thanks to my homie Shelina for reciting prayers in her head to therefore confirm that everything to do with my marriage plans so far has been because of Allah and his actions and destiny, and our future is therefore also willed by Allah and not by human action solely.

So yes, there you have it! And if all else fails Sistahs, there's always "That's for me to know, and you to find out... and by the way, you never will"!!!


  1. LOL to say the least. I can't wait until I see her again :P


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