On Marriage

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has noticed, but I haven't been blogging as much in the past few months! It's not that I don't want to...it just feels like I've had bloggers block. Even with the posts I've published, they read as substandard entries to me. Blahhhhhhh!

But I think I've figured out why. It's because I haven't been blogging about what I really want to.

And that's about getting married.

If you've read my entries over the past year and a half, you'll know that marriage was a big topic for me. Not in the "marriage prep" realm, but in the "O Brothah, where art thou?" kinda way. SubhanAllah I look back and think that God and God only could have caused my life to change so dramatically. So Alhamdulillah, now that the brothah of my destiny has materialized according to Allah's will, I've been wanting to blog about the journey I'm about to embark on. About preparing to be married.

Notice that I said preparing to be married and not preparing for the wedding. There's a huge difference people :)

I've been trying to find blogs by sistahs about the whole single to married life transition. I'm curious to see how they interpret this life changing event. But I haven't come across any and it makes me wonder if it's because (a) they think blogging is lame (NOT!); (b) it's not a topic they want to blog about/it's too personal (but YOU control what and how much your write); or (c) they're too busy planning for the wedding (groan).

So to clarify, I won't be revealing details about said brothah or our relationship, nor about the Nikah (wedding ceremony) or Walima (reception) planning, etc. Because really, those things are personal and not meant for a public audience, and those events are small details compared to the grand scheme of things. But rather, I'm interested in the preparation for marriage. Pre-marital counselling for example and what the Nikah contract entails; or moving out of my family's home and starting a new one with my husband; the rights and responsibilities of a husband and wife from an Islamic perspective; etc etc etc. It's not like the Nikah itself prepares you to be married, there's a LOT of work that goes into it before and after and every day of married life. I expect marriage to be hard work and I'm willing to give it everything I have.

I've been blessed to have married Muslim couples around me who have been through the process recently and are very open about their experiences. Which is great in terms of asking questions and hearing their insights. I listen and learn but realize that married life for every couple is different.

So since I've come out of the umm...I'm not quite sure...I think I'm going to focus on blogging about preparing to be married. Not only to help me process and understand what I learn and experience on this journey, but to also try and pass information and resources onto others who may be interested. And judging from the divorce rates in our community, we need to be as informed as possible about marriage before we say "YES" three times!

Ok, down to business. My first goal is to become as informed as possible about the Nikah and to look into pre-marital counselling. When Dr. Aneesah Nadir was in town for the MSDI Resource Fair, she pointed me out to an article by Sound Vision as a launching pad:

http://soundvision.com/Info/marriage/prepare.asp

I'm also interested in pre-marital counselling and what the Nikah contract entails. I've read about couples signing the document without really paying attention to what's in there (or not), which is scary. So that's the next thing we'll be looking into. Sadly though, a Google search revealed that the terms "islamic premarital relationship" and "islamic premarital pregnancy" are searched more than "premarital counselling". Dr. Nadir confirmed this by stating that very few couples actually seek such education prior to marriage. It's my goal to hopefully change that by explaining the benefit it InshaAllah will have with us.

And so, let the journey begin. InshaAllah :)

Note: Salaam and hello! I just wanted to clarify that my intention of this entry was to shed some light on this topic since it holds such gravity within our community. I did not write it with the intention of announcing the "news". Please keep all to-be-married couples in your Duas (prayers) please, that the path they are about to undertake remains smooth and with blessings, InshaAllah. 

Comments

  1. Mabrook! You're right..there's serious dearth of bloggers out there writing about the transition. Those that are usually focus on wedding prep and such. I'm glad you've decided to share your tranistion with us, and I'm looking forward to reading about your experiences!

    I'd recommend looking into books written by John Gottman (http://www.gottman.com/48994/Marriage--Couples.html). He's the leading researcher on couples therapy and has been doing this work for a couple of decades now. During my uni days, I took a Couple's Therapy course and much of the curriculm was based on Gottman's theory and research b/c it's been proven to be effective. I believe he also has some premarital books.

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  2. Oh..and also one of the only Islamic books on marriage written by a female authour: "The Muslim Marriage" by Ruqaiyya Waris Maqsood. I certainly don't agree with everything she says, but this book does provide some interesting insights.

    And you've probably heard of Imam Ghazali's "Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam" already. It's an easy read. :)

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  3. Thank you Chere Moineau for those links!! I'll for sure look into those resources. I'm currently taking a course with Seeker's Guidance too online and inshallah pre-marital counselling will be around the corner too! :)

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