Single and looking? And looking? And looking?

You know that the term "desperate times call for desperate measures" is in effect when a non-Muslim marriage service representing a Muslim man wanting to get married approaches an Islamic School and asks if it's OK to post up his "single and looking" ad.

I kid you not.

A representative from the website is representing this gentleman. Not knowing how to access a pool of eligible Muslim singles in the community, she then approaches the Islamic school and asks if it would be appropriate to post up his ad around the school. Not bad for someone not from this community, since how else would you access a large group of Muslims? Although not so great of an idea to ask to post up his ad around a school. Why on earth would this be suggested in any school let alone a private religious school?

So then I started wondering about how many channels this brother had to go through in order to get someone out and about for him to find a life partner? It's not like he can just wander over to the sister's section of the mosque, poke his head in, and ask if there are any single women around. If he's new to Canada, he may not be well connected. And more importantly, if he's working in a field where the pool of opposite gendered Muslims is non-existent, he's even in more trouble.

So where else would you turn BUT an online service? However, to not use one from the Muslim community itself is questionable. But then again, Calgary doesn't have too many options, and this company was local at least (versus using other Muslim matrimonial sites where most matches are in another province or country).

There is something to be said about everyone's destiny and it being the right place and time to meet your other half. But as the Quran states, we need to make an effort and move forward with the correct intentions and prayers in mind and heart, and InshaAllah things will be made easy for us.

And not to toot CIMAP's horn, but there aren't really other local initiatives that provide a large venue that doesn't involve constant profile searching, emailing, filtering, and blocking. There are websites that may include Calgary matches, Aunties and Uncles who may try to match, as well as friends, etc. But you just never know how you'll meet your spouse, so why not try as many means as possible (within reasonable efforts!). And yes, there's a difference between trying and acting too desperate.

Overall, I think it's all of our responsibility to "keep an eye out" for someone who may be a good match for a friend or family member. This may not be something we think about often, but we are the ones in this city who know other Muslims who may be worth inquiring about if they are interested in being matched with someone we know. This solely can't be left up to parents or Aunties or Uncles or websites. The more eyes and ears that are out there, the better!

And finally, a word to all the "single and looking" out there: don't get desperate and don't give up. I have heard stories of Muslims being frustrated by not finding someone of the same faith, so they marry outside of Islam. Or all the "single and restless" Muslims out there who think that by having an insanely busy "social" life that they are doing themselves a justice. It's no excuse to party hard and think that it's OK in the end to try and find the "perfect" Muslim girl. What hypocrisy.

If you believe in Allah, truly believe, then you'll feel assured that your fate is in good hands. And you'll also believe that only Allah knows what is best for you, and it's not always the same as what we think we need (yes people, place away the "MUST HAVE list of qualities!"). It takes patience and strength to ultimately sacrifice all the control, but in the end what's better?

Giving up a little control or sprouting white hairs and brow-furrow lines worrying about your future?!


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